Category: Joke Board
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I could never eat this late at night.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no
coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this
parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
Bob
LOL Bob, so true.
ha ha yes true!!
Haha! Nice very nice.
lol if only it wasn't so true hehe.
nice job! like that one!
Haha, this is definetely true and it applies to everyone drunk lol
Good one
heh. out of the first and second list, I'm going to have to keep that written down, and try to get friends to say those while drunk. See how well they do.
Those things may be things you can't say when drunk, but I do know what ya can, say, when drunk.
Everyone ready for it?
Baby, if you love me, you'll go downstairs and get me some m and m's.....
lmfao.
Just fuckin lmfao!!!
I did this, about 5:30 eastern, 2 days ago, so I know it can be done.
Knowing myself, this is something I never woulda said sober, I know she loves me.
Therefore, I blame it on the alcohol.
Love ya Rebecca,
Amber
Actually, I didn't get these from first hand experiences. These are things I've heard Becky (Liebra lady) try to say right here on the zone. The girl definitely has a problem, everyone should pm her with AA encouragement.
Bob
Bob, I'm not drunk, and I can say two of those things.
1. You are not my type.
2. I do not want to have sex with you.
Becky, if you were truly sober, you would have added an "again" to the end of statement 2 above.
I, and some other zoners, are praying for you. We know that, with God's help, you can kick that beastly drinking problem of yours. Think of the things you are throwing away:
The love we once had;
Your good name;
and, of course, our kids.
I know I'm not alone in hoping you recover. I strongly encourage other zoners to join me in prayer for little Rebecca. Send her a note of encouragement, and of love, and, perhaps your favorite verse from the holy scripture.
Her screen name is LiebraLady, so send her a message of encouragement today.
Bob
You are in BIG trouble blobby.
Now, I am not as think, as you drunk that I am. I just wanted to say that Becky you really shouldn't drink as much as Bob does. Thrice, when I was about to pass out Bob told me he owes child support in the lower forty-eight states. But that's nothing when compaired to the number of broken hearts Becky tells me she's left behind. If all those suckers contributed to organ donation we wouldn't have a problem. Remember, I am not drunk. I promiss I am alright to drive my dog. Now if I could just find him officer.
Nem stumbels away with his arm around his new best friend. Hey man, thanks again for these friendship bracelets. They must have coust a pretty penny.
LOL Nem, don't worry, I could never drink as much as Bob.
smiles, nice
Zone rumor has it that Becky doesn't drink any more.
Of course, she doesn't drink any less either.
Nem, I think there may be a twelve step program in your immediate future.
Okay barkeep, set 'em up for my friends. Pop a top again. Please don't play b13
on the jukebox. Oh look, "there stands the glass".
Let's take our virtual microphone through the bar and see what some of the
customers are saying as we pass.
"Get your tongue outta my mouth, cause i'm kissing you goodbye"
"Her teeth was stained, but her heart was pure"
"How can I miss you if you don't go away"
"I don't know whether to kill myself or go bowling"
"I just bought a car from a guy that stole my girl, but the car don't run so I re we got an even deal"
"I keep forgettin' I forgot about you"
"I liked you better before I knew you so well"
"I still miss you, baby, but my aim's gettin' better"
"I wouldn't take her to a dog fight, cause I'm afraid she'd win"
"I'll marry you tomorrow but let's honeymoon tonight"
"I'm so miserable without you, it's like having you here"
"I've got tears in my ears from lyin' on my back and cryin' over you"
"If I had shot you when I wanted to, I'd be out by now"
"Mama get a hammer (there's a fly on Papa's head)"
"My head hurts, my feet stink and I don't love you"
"My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him"
"She got the ring and I got the finger"
"You done tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat"
"You're the reason our kids are so ugly"
"If the phone don't ring, you'll know it's me"
"She's acting single and I'm drinking doubles"
"She's looking better after every beer"
"I Haven't Gone to Bed with Any Ugly Women, But I've Sure Woke Up with a Few"
Okay, here's our virtual table.
Now, where was I ... Oh yeah, there was this blind girl named Becky...
Bwob
I'm speechless.
Hi, my name is Becky, and I'm an alcoholic.
I'm also a chocoholic. You got a problem with that, Bob?
No ma'am.
Hey little girl would you like a piece…...
Bob
Bob 12 steps is way too far. I keep the bottel real close, see? At the most, 4 to 5 steps is enough. Now, there's nothing wrong with drinking if you know moderation. Now I have never met moderation but I bet there nice folk. Pass the suds, I need that invited sense of self-esteem. Ah, there it is.
Nem
I agree. At times, though, one step is too far, right?
Bob
Bob:
Nice list of country songs. I hadn't seen that list in a while.
As for bottle distence, all I'll say is this.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy!
Why am I thinking that some folks on this board have maybe had both!
This is good, the list of songs great and the lack of recall of those wilder days, wow. Thanks for the memories and the laughs, lol.
Data that's a good line about the bottle in front of you.
Bet you can't say that when you are drunk.
Bob
Bob + Becky = sugar cookie cupcake chocolate chip muffin! Yummy! delicious!
Hope you read that when you are sober BBB.
Bob